Caveman Arrested After Hammer Attack on Indiana Historical Monument
Yesterday afternoon, 30-year-old Anthony Ventura visited Garfield Park in Indianapolis, Indiana. It was a bright sunny day and all was peaceful — until a wild Confederate monument suddenly appeared in his path.
Obviously triggered by the 105-year-old passive stone marker, Ventura sprung into action. Like any reasonable human being, he removed his shirt and retrieved two hammers from his backpack, presumably in self-defense.
Charging into a completely one-sided battle, Ventura dual-wielded the hammers ferociously against the stone monument, sending chips of rock flying as the sweat of justice rolled off his wild beard and onto his malnourished bare chest:
Later that day, Indianapolis Police Officers arrested Ventura. Reports indicate he is currently being held in Marion County jail on a charge of criminal mischief. There's no word yet on how much damage was caused during the incident Saturday afternoon.
It remains to be seen whether Ventura will claim his actions were in self-defense or not. The 35-foot (11-meter) tall granite tower has plaques listing the names of 1,616 Confederate prisoners who died while held at the city's Camp Morton. Experts have not been able to show whether or not Confederate ghosts were microaggressing anyone that day.
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